How do I cope with the effects of my partner’s pornography habit?

How do I cope with the effects of my partner’s pornography habit?

Spouses of porn addicts need recovery support, too. It’s understandable that you would feel upset, even hurt, when you first discover the problem. However, in any relationship, overly emotional reactions can make a problem worse. You do need to be able to express how you feel in a constructive way, but your spouse may not be ready to deal with the impact that their habit has on you. Don’t try to do this alone. While you are trying to overcome your reactions to their habit it may be helpful to seek counseling or join a support group. Your path towards…

Get Skilled – Learn Something New

Get Skilled – Learn Something New

Think about what you want to accomplish in life and how you want to live. Are there things you could be learning that would help you achieve those goals? Perhaps you could enhance some of the skills or hobbies you already have. Are you unhappy with your job? Maybe you make good money but you really don’t enjoy your chosen profession. Maybe you’d like to go back to school, or just take a few classes. Stop Being Entertained Watching porn puts you in a kind of trance where time and space seem to vanish, and this provides an escape from…

Get Healthy

Get Healthy

The best way to stop any unhealthy routine is to replace it with a healthy one. If you are always exhausted, stressed, bored, malnourished and isolated, you will turn to your drug of choice to survive. But when you are refreshed, inspired, nourished and connected, you are less interested in false substitutes for really living. The sexual habit is a replacement for something missing. Figure out what your needs are and start working to meet them in an authentic way. Clean Up Your Diet Addictive behavior tends to  be associated with eating junk food–sugar, caffeine, fats and carbs. This is…

Get Real

Get Real

Porn, like  video games, is escape into fantasy. In gaming, you kill the monster. In porn, you get the girl (or guy). At least with gaming, you need to have some skill. With porn, hundreds of attractive strangers can bare all and give themselves to you, while requiring nothing. A dangerous illusion. Find Healthier Escapes Healthy escapes are welcome distractions to help you re-engage with the demands of  real life refreshed. The best ones make you wiser and more imaginative, broaden your perspective and sharpen your skills in some way.  Healthy Escapes Might Include: Sports/Dance Art Crafts Music Drama Books…

Get Clean – Rebooting Your Life

Get Clean – Rebooting Your Life

“For as he thinks, so is he.” Proverbs 23:7 How do you get clean? You have to make the choice to stop looking at porn either cold turkey or gradually. Regardless of which way you choose, ending porn use, masturbation or other unhealthy sexual habits gives your mind and body a chance to regain its normal responses. It’s also an opportunity to undo many of the negative effects. Some people call this process “rebooting.” Rebooting is a Process Experienced rebooters say that it takes 90 days porn-free for this to happen. So the 90 days (cold turkey) is the process…

Get Honest – Be Real With The People You Love

Get Honest – Be Real With The People You Love

The preoccupation with porn and masturbation means that your heart is diverted away from loved ones. They can feel this, even if you’ve hidden the habit and they don’t know the reason why. It’s true true if you’re are married and have children, or if you live with parents and siblings. More to the point, when your spouse or engaged partner discovers your sexual attention and energy is being directed towards others, whether digital “others” or not, they can rightly feel betrayed. They doubt themselves–“why aren’t I good enough?” And then in your efforts to protect and justify your cherished…

Get Accountable – Find a Support Network

Get Accountable – Find a Support Network

We all have a powerful need to belong. When we feel part of a group, we feel stronger. Being accountable means being responsible, liable, and answerable to others. This is a natural responsibility because we are always in relationship with others. Don’t Alienate Yourself Having a sexual habit can alienate you from the natural groups you belong to: your family and church community. It can lead you to hang out with people who have similar habits, and that’s not going to help you. Finding a support network of others working to improve themselves is tremendously valuable. Check out 12 Step and other…

Get Boundaries – Get Rid of Negative Influences

Get Boundaries – Get Rid of Negative Influences

Among addicts there is a saying, “No playground, no playmates, no playthings.” This refers to getting rid of the unnecessary and unwanted influences in your life, the invitations to temptation. When you become serious to gain freedom from the habit, make your electronics safer and cut off from people who encourage porn use. Make Your Media Safer Time to clean house. Delete any favorite sites from your computer and smartphone, clear out your history, cookies and cache. Scan your computer for malware from porn sites, and start all over. Make your computer less convenient to use but putting it in a…

Get A Program

Get A Program

“No one overcomes this by themselves.” That’s what ex-users and experts repeatedly report. Studies show that those who have most successfully changed unwanted habits need a clear process, structure, information, social support and sometimes personal coaching. Work With The Experts Brain and addiction research have now produced programs, both in person meetings and online, that have proven to be highly effective with thousands of men and women. PureMind.Online recommend that you investigate and adopt one of the following programs as a centerpiece of your change efforts. These programs feature engaging research-based video education, interaction with other learners, and often include coaching. They…

Get Informed About the Habit

Get Informed About the Habit

It’s one thing to learn about your habit and how it affects your mind and heart, your relationships and even society. It’s another thing to understand about how change takes place and the path of healing and recovery from the habit and its effects. Just as you wouldn’t think of renovating your garage without understanding how it’s done and what to expect, so you need to become familiar with what it takes to renovate yourself. Understand How the Habit Works The way a well-formed habit works has been studied. Something that makes you think of it is a trigger–seeing something, feeling…