Yes! This is awesome. I have officially passed forty days of being porn free. Thank you, thank you. Day 45, and it really has been a long time since I could say I’ve been more than forty days without watching porn. It feels pretty good. That said this week has not been easy.
A part of me really wishes that this is just going to be smooth sailing from here on out. Like this whole porn thing can be a thing of the past and something that doesn’t pop up on my radar. For you folks who’ve been sober longer than me, tell me; am I chasing an impossible dream or is there a light at the end of this tunnel? Part of me thinks there will always be a challenge.
Temptation is Everywhere
One reason I believe that, is because the world is basically set up for us to lose. Everywhere I look there is temptation. Especially where I am currently living. Pornographic advertisements are everywhere, in the train, newspapers and of course on television. Convenient stores many times put porn magazines right by the counter so while you are waiting to check out they can catch you. This past week I had to work on a few presentations which meant google image search. Why is it that we live in a world where google image search becomes a trigger and we should put our guard up, even with safesearch on? And of course, searching for the word secret there were a few pornographic images that I had to dodge.
The reality is the pornography industry is on the offensive. So, we can’t be neutral to pornography. It’s not something that we can ignore and just hope we will be okay. We need to be proactive in staying one step ahead of it. One way to do that I’m realizing, is to become aware of my excuses.
Confronting the Conflict Within
Most of us know that porn is wrong, or at least not the best way to spend your free time. But, what allows us to act against our own beliefs? I think it’s that we justify our actions because of some external circumstance that we may think outside of our power, or too difficult to resist. I know for me a big one is when it’s my wife’s time of the month! I’m just being honest here, and maybe some of you married guys can relate. But I’ve seen how my relapses often correlate to when my wife is on her period. I think, what else can I do? I lose my way to release. But even just writing that now, it’s a sad feeling. What am I? A dog that has no control over my bodies urges? (No offense to dogs).
What does it mean to really respect ourselves? For me it means seeing myself as a capable person who can overcome any challenge no matter how big. It’s relating to myself like I am the owner of my actions. When I make myself a victim to my circumstances, not only does it lead to more trouble but it’s disrespectful to myself, my parents who made me, and to God who made us all to be bigger than that!
That’s all for this week! So, I want to commit to respecting myself and I hope you guys do too. God Bless!
TO BE CONTINUED…
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