Part 2 of a 5 part series on sex miseducation
The belief in sex as a need is a dogmatic notion arising from the discredited claims of Alfred Kinsey. If sex is a need, such as food and water, we feel it’s an absolute necessity. This viewpoint creates a feeling of entitlement which blurs the relationship between sex and love.
Research in the United States, for example, shows 3 percent have remained celibate throughout their lives. This represents hundreds of thousands of people. Millions worldwide have waited to begin sexual involvement until age thirty and beyond, with no proven ill effects. Over 80 percent of Americans under age 60 have had either one or no sex partner in a given year, with no ill effects.
Committed Love is Stronger Than Sex Drive
Among married couples, infidelity is related more to relational deficits than to physical need. Many spouses involved in adultery report that the sex is not as exciting as the emotional gratification of being noticed and desired.
Among faithful couples it has be found that when sex is not available for long periods of time, interest wanes. Many couples remain faithful during long periods of military service, or illness. Their interest in sex has been known to drop off to zero.
Also, many married couples find themselves needing to schedule time for lovemaking because they otherwise become so busy they forget. This is hardly on par with the need for food or sleep. We feel tiredness and hunger within a matter of hours if neglected. Also, the physical need for food and sleep becomes stronger, not weaker, the longer it is deferred.
It’s an urge, not a drive or a need
Some experts question if sex is even a drive at all since it is so dependent upon learning and will. “Sex is a natural urge, but the role it plays in your life and the importance you attribute to it… is a matter of free choice,” concludes psychologist Peter Koestenbaum. Sex researchers Masters and Johnson have stated, “In one respect, sex is like no other physical process… [it] can be denied indefinitely, even for a lifetime.” There are cultures in the world that do not even have a word for masterbation because the concept and activity is foreign to them.
Sexual abstinence is simply a redirection of erotic impulses, rather than signifying a state of unhealthy frustration. This is obviously what normal healthy people do most of the time. Even when a partner is available as in marriage, circumstances such as illness, work, pregnancy, menstrual cycle and the demands of parenthood dictate a large measure of self-control.
Sex as a “need” is oppressive
The belief that people need sexual gratification more than they do creates its own oppression. Sexual compulsion and exploitation becomes much easier. It is harder for the immature and the weak to refuse someone else’s sexual “need” when viewed as such.
In addition, single people, married couples and even children begin to doubt themselves if they don’t desire sex as much as they hear that they think they should. Thus the vulnerable push themselves into sexual involvement earlier and in more undesirable situations than they would otherwise be inclined to do.
Teenagers may speak of their virginity as something they are relieved to get rid of, as if it is a burden. How tragic that innocence, and the authentic need for quality and committed love, are so often sacrificed at the altar of a trumped-up physical impulse disguised as a “need” due to sex miseducation.