This is the first of a 5 part series on sex miseducation
Reserving sexual intimacy only for the spouse is the timeless gold standard of sexual morality. Why? It recognizes the moral implications of sex and the deeper need for enduring love. Abstinence until marriage recognizes that sex in marriage heightens the sense of bonding, exclusivity and security between partners. It also addresses all the responsibilities inherent in the sacred gift of sexuality.
Saving sex for marriage celebrates the freedom that premarital purity affords young people. That is the freedom to reach maturity and prepare for the future without the complex responsibilities that come with intimate love. The responsibilities of family life and citizenship require maturity, responsibility and the ability to keep commitments.
Saving sex for marriage is not an outdated tradition, but an affirmation of the value of love. It recognises the emotional, moral, social and spiritual dimensions of this powerful and far-reaching act.
Don’t we need lots of sex?
This is the biggest false assumption that all other flawed thinking rests on. If sex is a need, then it is an entitlement. If people need sex to be physically and mentally healthy, then it is unfair and uncaring to deny them. Marital status, age and other concerns are simply not as important.
More specifically, if a person claims he needs sex while the other simply does not want it, then there is moral pressure on the second person to give in to the first. Needs are given priority over mere desires.
Behind porn there is an assumption that having any kind of sex you can imagine, whenever you want it, is healthy and normal. This idea is equivalent to believing that eating whatever you want, whenever you want, is healthy and normal. Just as obesity and other health problems result from an unhealthy and uncontrolled diet, sexual disorders result from unhealthy and uncontrolled sexual activity.
Science has only recently uncovered the far reaching benefits of eating the right types of food, getting enough exercise, reducing stress and getting enough sleep. Now we also have scientific evidence that porn changes your brain in unhealthy ways the more you are exposed to it.
Reversed Priorities Create Excess Desire
In the past sexual aggressors needed to justify why their partners should give in. Now those who want to resist sexual advances have to explain themselves. The assumption that sex is a requirement without need of discipline means that single people, and even children, resist less. They pursue earlier sexual involvement and in more insecure situations. Studies confirm that even college students of both genders engage in plenty of sex that they don’t want because it’s “expected”.
Yet there obviously is no such sexual “need.” There is not a shred of scientific evidence that sexual inactivity in itself is a serious threat to well-being. Though regular sex has certain health benefits, no one has ever received medical treatment because of celibacy. On the contrary, people are treated for sexual excesses and sometimes directed to be abstinent as therapy.
The real need is true love
The real need being confused with sex is the need for genuine love. Though the body may desire only another body—any body—the heart needs to connect with another heart, to love and be loved as a unique, irreplaceable person. This is essential for mental and physical health.
We know for example, that infants perish for lack of attention and touch from caregivers, and spouses often die of a broken heart soon after their partner passes away. The specific need of adults is for the experience of marital love. The human spirit craves marriage for its many emotional and spiritual rewards. Sex is only one dimension of what is actually needed and desired.