A brick needs six other bricks to stabilize it within a wall: two on each side, two above, two below. So it is best to have at least six people in your life that you are close to in those positions.
Examine Your Relationships
Check your range of social contacts. Do you have two close friends? Do you have good friends of both genders? Are any of these people someone you could confide in?
Consider vertical relationships–elders and youngers. Do you have older people you can go to for support? Are you mentoring or caring for someone younger than you?
If you find that you are lacking relationships, try to pinpoint the cause. Are you an introvert, shy or not outgoing? Do most of your relationships revolve around something online like gaming? Maybe you’re just very busy with work or school and you live far away from family.
Try to think of new ways to make friends. Look for new social activities like clubs or sports, or get involved through volunteer activities. Working on your social circle takes time, but it is one of the most rewarding and impactful pursuits in your recovery.
Give and Get Support from People Like You
Many experts swear, “You can’t overcome this on your own.” We are not meant to be self sufficient, especially when making this kind of change.
And the most valuable kind of support is to be with those with whom we are completely honest, who see us with all of our flaws and painful secrets and who can still accept and appreciate us. This is what a peer support group can provide.
Besides, we all have a powerful need to belong. When we feel part of a group, we feel stronger.
Nothing is more helpful than being able to be frank about ups and downs with others who understand, to celebrate our victories and strengths, commiserate about our fears and failures, and compare notes along the way. And it is healing and inspiring to provide a boost to others when they need it.
Having a sexual habit can alienate us from the essential groups we belong to: Family and church community. It can lead us to hang out with those who readily accept us, but who may have a unhelpful influence on us.
Finding a support network of others working to improve themselves is tremendously valuable. Check out 12 Step and other groups, both in person and online. Check out our Forum.
- Suggestions on how to find connection in college to fight the porn habit from a Christian perspective, at Ascension Presents
- Ideas for connecting with others if you are very shy, at YourBrainonPorn.org
- Tips for making more social contact, at YourBrainonPorn.org
- Ideas for dealing effectively with loneliness, at CovenantEyes.org