A youth pastor who remained a virgin until his marriage at 30 said, “Whenever I got a sexual urge, I took it as a signal that I needed other people, and I reached out to my friends and family.” Sex-related habits are most clearly a substitute for our need for true love, and so strong and healthy relations with others is the best remedy and protection.
Loneliness Is A Trigger For Porn Use
In addition, the use of porn is associated with greater loneliness, since it interferes with connecting with other people on an emotional and spiritual level. On the other hand, getting companions to join you in the change effort will greatly increases your chances of success.
Immerse yourself in activities you enjoy doing with friends, not to run away from your problems, but to increase the ways that you connect and interact with people. One benefit of this might be that you have less time and energy to engage in porn. Another benefit is that you may experience greater emotional satisfaction. Although these activities may not eliminate your desire for porn, they most definitely are part of the process of healing and restoring relationships.
Remember the centrality of love
All difficult habits are responses to the absence of something healthy and necessary in our lives. The most critical need of all is that of true and unconditional love.
Unconditional love is care and affection given without our “earning” it, when we have revealed our uglier side, when we feel unlovable. It is love and respect given because we are family, or human, or because we are a child of God. It is concern expressed when we are giving nothing back and may even be bothering the giver in some way.
When we know we are loved in this way, we can manage just about any stress. When we fear losing other’s love or God’s love, we are easily stressed and unconsciously constantly looking for comfort and relief.
Perhaps the most important resource to help us overcome this habit is the giving and receiving of true love.
Learn more about how connecting helps:
- How porn fosters loneliness, at Fight the New Drug
- How loneliness feeds the habit and connecting to others helps defeat it, at Covenant Eyes
- Testimony of someone taking action to share his struggle with someone, at Issues I Face
- A Unificationist understanding of unselfish and true love, by PM staffer John R. Williams
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